Click Clique

Last week Roshini Rao sent a 'friend request' to a girl she didn't know. They were connected at the click of a mouse. It's been four days and the two are 'friends' even though they don't have much in common. Roshini likes to talk about bikinis, thongs and sex ��� all stuff that her friend isn't too cool with. But they are still friends. Roshni drops whatever she is doing to say hi when her friend comes online and updates her on the discounts running in various stores.With that Roshni has made friend number 235.
Welcome to a virtual world where the amount of friends one has online greatly outnumbers those in real life. Khush Soni, 23, has 2002 friends and counting. A DJ, Khush goes to a party, meets someone interesting and the next thing you know they're on each other's friends list. Time to chuck the cheesy mujhse dosti karoge line because friendship has never been easier. From the guy you briefly met at the airport lounge, to the pretty-faced neighbour who just moved in, you can befriend just about anyone. And like Khush says, there is zero awkwardness online. "If you ask for somebody's number, people may think you're desperate.
But if you send them a friend request and they accept it, it means they just like having a conversation with you ��� online or off." Adds Roshni, a Bangalore-based techie: "Anyone who likes to chat with you is a friend." Little wonder, then, that the size of friends lists is swelling by the day. Anam Kalra has 735, Khush has 2001 friends and Nisha Jamwal 2500. Surely, there's someone out there who can beat that too.
A click through social networking websites reveals that while the average number of friends most youngsters have is still about 200, the number of those with 1000 and more friends is steadily on the rise. Then there are the 'whalers' ��� people who have managed to notch the magical 5000 mark on their friends lists. There aren't too many whalers on the www at the moment ��� just about a 1000 ��� but many more are determined to make the cut.
Like Anam Kalra, who has 735 friends and still feels the need to befriend more people. Aman tries to make at least one friend everyday ��� the more the merrier is his motto. Between his share trading job and looking after the family business, this father of a baby girl finds enough time to look up interesting people on the net and send them a friend's request. "I love meeting new people and making new friends," he says. Has he really met each one of his friends? "Most of them except a 100 or so but how does it matter?" Anam feels there is no difference between his real and online friends. "I have their contact address and phone numbers and they often call me for investment advice. Plus, how often does one get to meet one's real friends anyway," he reasons.
Of course, having so many friends has its advantages. "You are never lonely and someone somewhere is always there to chat. You can share as much as you want and then drop out of your friends' lives," says Shalini, 25, who has never rejected a friend request. And like educationist Shiv Vishwanathan points out, "Online friends are less demanding and maintaining relationships with them is much easier than real friends."
Not everyone is cool about blurring distinction between real and random friends. Nisha Jamvwal, a Mumbai-based designer has segregated her friends into separate folders as 'true friends' and 'just friends'. The true ones share her physical space while the rest are limited to sending her interesting links and forwards. "I wouldn't share personal information with them but they are my friends all the same," she explains.
But if that makes you think her random pals are tenuous online connections then you couldn't be more wrong. Nisha has painstakingly collected them over the years. They are people she networks with and shares professional information. "They bring me business and a few of them have also turned into real close pals," she says. A fraudster actually set up a parallel site in her name and started sending invites to people on her list. "Thankfully I got to know in time and took appropriate action," she says.
Khush's friends are also part of his larger social network. Yes, sometimes he can't put a name to the face but there are ways to get around the problem. "I just ask them to introduce themselves and then everything quickly falls into place."
What is prompting these people to make more friends online when they can't keep better contact with people they already know? According to research conducted by S Shyam Sundar, a professor and founder of the Media Effects Research Lab in Penn State, US, it's social insecurity. "Having a large number of friends is a sign of popularity, attractiveness and self confidence but when you accumulate too many (800 or more) then it is seen as insecurity," writes Shyam Sundar.
(amrita.singh@timesgroup.com)